I’m a 17-year-old guy. My sister got kicked out of her apartment and is coming to live with me along with her boyfriend. They need a double bed so I was told that I have to give up my room for as long as they will be staying with me. I like to be neat and tidy and knowing them I know my room will be a dump in no time. Am I right to be upset or am I just selfish?
As children, you learn to share your belongings with a sibling that, however, is impossible to maintain as adults with separate families and relationships. Just as in other relationships, establishing healthy boundaries and personal space are essential for a mutual and respectful relationship.
Having weak personal boundaries means allowing your sister to take advantage of you. Remember you are also contributing to the situation by not being firm and communicating to her that such behaviour is not acceptable to you. Make your self-respect and personal well-being a priority. So set aside guilt or sympathy when someone is crossing your boundaries and tell your sister and her boyfriend that they can be with you during their transit while looking for another apartment.
I couldn’t believe my luck when this gorgeous 34-year-old, good-looking and well-educated woman told me that she loves me. I am an average looking 58-year-old man. We met on a dating site and after a two-month courtship we got married. It’s been three months now but things aren’t very good, we have never had sex and even when I try to kiss her she pulls away. She says she misses her family and worries about them and wants them to come live in our house. Mine is a two-bedroom house and everyone can’t fit. How can I reach a compromise with her?
It is essential for a couple to have compatibility in the areas of values, meaning for marriage and approach to day-to-day life, sexual dimension and attitude to life. It appears you two have compromised on these dimensions. Are you sure she genuinely loves you or has married you for wrong reasons? Is your marriage based on convenience and physical attraction or respect?
While it is important to have extended family, they are secondary in a mutually loving and respecting relationship. And, a healthy marriage requires the balancing of togetherness and space in relationships. When your wife is getting uncomfortable in togetherness, you need to choose whether you want to continue this relationship or not.
Most people are familiar with how the seven sins can create havoc in one’s life. When applied to a relationships, these sins, seen in the perspective of romance and love, are just as relevant, if not more. We tell you why you should avoid them.
Greed: If envy is about wanting what someone else has, lust about who someone else had and gluttony about what all you’ve had, greed is all that and more. It is about not knowing when to stop but wanting more and more. Over-vaulting ambition, high personal targets and unrealistic demands will leave your partner constantly feeling inadequate. It is good to dream, but to be obsessed about it and not stopping till you get where you want to be is not always as noble as has been romanticised. Keep the greed in check, always.Pride : In almost every list, pride is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is also the root of a lot of issues couples face together. Why it is the most fundamental vice is because most people refuse to acknowledge it. Pride comes in the way of admitting one’s mistakes. Pride most definitely comes in the way of acknowledging your deeply underwhelming performance in bed. And pride is always firmly an obstacle in communicating to your partner just how much he/she contributes to your life. An inflated perception of self means you just cannot see how wrong you are. This, in turn, makes you an unbearable person to argue with because even if you realise within 3 seconds just how much you’ve messed up, you’re not going to drop it, are you? Knock pride off your personality and you’ll be surprised how peaceful a relationship can be. Envy: Envy is this overwhelming resentment for someone else’s possession and a deep desire to own it or partake of it. No good has really come out of it. Envy is such a blinding trait that you tend to overlook the worth of what you possess since you are ever so preoccupied aspiring to own what someone else does. The problem with envy is most often you really don’t want what you envy. Just because your partner in the heart of a party, it doesn’t mean you need to look up for jokes online so you can crack them at the next party. You’re preparing yourself to be a colossal joker. Not even in a good way.Lust : No matter how much you loathe your mundane friend for dating that swimsuit calendar model and no matter how much you have fantasized about her despite you being hitched, there should really be no reason for you to pursue this tempting venture. After a brief encounter, you’re going to move on to other…Once lust enters the picture, it irreversibly blurs the line. You just cannot have the hots for your best friend’s girlfriend. It is human to, but if it’s prolonged, the situation can get awkward for all concerned parties. So even if you don’t have eyes for a person other than your partner, the inexhaustible appetite for sex might make your existing partner run for cover.Wrath : This has got to be the ultimate deal breaker. Nobody is expecting a saint for a partner, but it can be the most tiring job if you’ve to deal with The Incredible Hulk. Rage, wrath, anger, whatever you want to call it, has ruined some of the best relationships. Get off your high horse. Just because you are loud and rude, that doesn’t mean you’re right. People, they say, don’t quit jobs...they quit bosses. So in their personal lives too, they really don’t find any reason to want to put up with the humiliation much longer.Gluttony : Derived from the Latin gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. Meaning, you drink your way through most of your dates to the point of getting wasted. You slobber, stagger, fall, pass out and do all those things that your partner wishes was nothing but a horrible dream. It’s fun to be drunk once in a blue moon. But making it a habit means being a massive social embarrassment for your partner; one from which he/she can almost never recover. You will never know what a nuisance you can be.Sloth: This is not just about sitting in front of the television for six hours instead of lending a hand with household chores. This is about repeatedly failing to do something that you really ought to. You really ought to be asking her to marry you after being with her for 12 years. yet you’re too lazy to change your lifestyle.You really ought to be helping her clear up after your colleagues have left your marathon drinking session. But you’d rather sprawl yourself on your couch and ask her to duck her head so you can watch the match highlights.
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